One of his signature starters combines long, thin tubes of parsley-encased razor-clam flesh with what he calls “snow” of frozen, grated horseradish and an emerald juice of parsley and clam that, when poured onto the plate at table side, skitters and bubbles and eddies and swirls like something on a microscope slide.
(The Sequel.)
The first “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie was the first in the line of many films to presuppose a sequel so egregiously as to announce it in the title. I apologize for my orthodoxy, but unless there is some sort of literary precedent for sequence involving the movie-in-question, there should exist no colon in the movie’s title. A few examples of prudence:
-“The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”. There were seven novels before there was one film. Colon granted.
-“Jaws: the Revenge”. The last in a sequence of four films. Filmmaker’s personal need to spice up the usual numeric sequel trend warrants unusual punctuation. Colon granted.
-“Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever”. Studies show that the actual function of the colon in name of film is unknown. Also, not a film. I cannot argue against the colon. Colon granted.
I’m sure that my inbox will be flooded with those taxonomic tomfools who will proclaim, “But, doesn’t the title ‘Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark’ assume the same function as the colon in the newer movies? Is this not a dastardly flourish in an otherwise fantastic film?” To that I answer, “The original name was simply ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’, so you can poop on yourselves. And, please, do not ‘flood’ my inbox. Thank you.”
Regardless, the titles of the Indiana Jones trilogy (I repeat, trilogy) were the obvious inspiration for such ridonkulous titles as “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief”, which sounds more like the fourth bestselling record of 1972 than a title of feature film. So it may be that we have Indiana himself to thank for stupidness in modern blockbuster nomenclature, but films such as “G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra” or “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” are already too busy making fun of themselves to feel any sting from the pitfalls of their titles’ hubris.
For the record, I quite like “Pirates of the Caribbean: Legend of the Black Pearl”. It was the single inspiration for my upcoming documentary about grammar in the age of scallywags entitled, “Arggh is for Redundancy”.
-Guest Blogger
Oh my god.
Amish Whoopie Pie Recipe
Ingredients:
1/2 cup solid vegetable shortening
1 cup firmly-packed brown sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup milk
Whoopie Pie Filling (see recipe below)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease baking sheets.
In a large bowl, cream together shortening, sugar, and egg. In another bowl, combine cocoa, flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
In a small bowl, stir the vanilla extract into the milk. Add the dry ingredients to the shortening mixture, alternating with the milk mixture; beating until smooth.
Drop batter by the 1/4 cup (to make 18 cakes) onto prepared baking sheets. With the back of a spoon spread batter into 4-inch circles, leaving approximately 2 inches between each cake.
Bake 15 minutes or until they are firm to the touch. Remove from oven and let cool completely on a wire rack.
Make Whoopie Pie Filling. When the cakes are completely cool, spread the flat side (bottom) of one chocolate cake with a generous amount of filling. Top with another cake, pressing down gently to distribute the filling evenly. Repeat with all cookies to make 9 pies. Let finished whoopie pies completely cool before wrapping.
Wrap whoopie pies individually in plastic wrap, or place them in a single layer on a platter (do not stack them, as they tend to stick).
To freeze, wrap each whoopie pie in plastic wrap. Loosely pack them in a plastic freezer container and cover. To serve, defrost the wrapped whoopie pies in the refrigerator.
Whoopie Pie Filling:
3 egg whites, room temperature
2 cups light corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups sifted powdered sugar
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
In large bowl of an electric mixer, add egg whites, corn syrup, and salt. Using your electric mixer on high speed, mix for approximately 5 minutes or until the mixture is thick and volume has almost doubled.
On low speed, add powdered sugar and mix until well blended. Add vanilla extract just until well blended.
Your homemade marshmallow fluff/cream is now ready to use on your Whoopie Pies or other recipes. Use immediately, or refrigerate in a covered container for up to 2 weeks.
Makes 9 large whoopie pies.
Caravaggio’s The Taking of Christ, 1573-1602, was just recovered by German and Ukranian authorities after being stolen two years ago. The painting is estimated to be worth $100 million. According to the Associated Press, four suspects (three Ukranian nationals and one Russian) were arrested in Berlin attempting to sell the painting.
Lesson learned? Don’t try to sell a $100 million painting after stealing it!
